


Heaven (This Could Be)

by GivreFleur



Category: Life Is Strange 2 (Video Game)
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Fluff and Angst, Letters, M/M, Slice of Life, Spoilers for LiS2:EP4
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-09-28 11:07:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20424950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GivreFleur/pseuds/GivreFleur
Summary: “One day or another, you will need to learn that even your most beloved ones are entitled to their own visions and beliefs.”Set directly after the events of "Faith". Sean and Daniel are staying with their mother for a while. Jacob and his sister have found a hospital, away from home. From letters to in-person meetings, this tells the story of two young adults thrown into the wild, wild world.





	1. From May to July

**Author's Note:**

> Title from wonderful song "Heaven", by Lamb. 
> 
> I just love these two, and I wanted to see what their relationship could be like. I don't really know where I'm going with this story, I guess I'll just keep writing until I run out of ideas. 
> 
> (Also, English isn't my native language, so I'm sorry about any errors or weird sentences you might find in here.)

#### This could be Heaven right here on Earth.

  
_(Heaven – Lamb)_   


Jacob,

We’re on the road again, on our way to Karen’s, but at least, Daniel and I are together. We wouldn’t have made it without your help. I’m sorry I’ve yelled at you; I was only really worried about my brother. I didn’t know if I could trust you or not. I've met few good people in the past months – or else, ones that turned out not so good. 

But nothing would've been possible without you. Thank you for taking care of Daniel when I couldn’t. Thank you for warning my mother. Thank you for everything you’ve done back in Haven Point. 

I hope you and your sister are alright as well. Let me know. It’d be good to hear from you again. 

Till next time,  
Sean.

~°~

Dear Sean,

Sarah is in good hands – thanks for asking. We found a hospital, in Arizona. We drove quite a while to get away from Haven Point. I am infinitely grateful to you for giving us that money, even when you probably needed it the most. I cannot express how much it means to us. You’ve saved Sarah’s life. 

I pray every night for you and Daniel. 

Safe travels.  
Sincerely,  
Jake. 

PS: Sarah insisted to send this drawing she has made for Daniel.

~°~

Jake,

I’m really happy you were able to find a place to take care of Sarah. I hope she’ll get better real soon, now. How are you doing? 

I never got the chance to tell you; but if you need anything, if you need to talk or whatever, if you’re feeling low … Idk. You can write to me. 

Daniel liked the drawing. He wants to visit Sarah. I’m trying to tell him that it’s not possible but you know how he is. 

See you around,  
Sean. 

(And Daniel!)

~°~

Jake,

I’m glad you’re with your sister. I know how hard it’s been for you to be on your own. I missed Daniel so much. Now I kinda wish he was gone again; but… I missed being able to complain about him, too. I have no idea what we’ll do next, or where we’ll go. 

What are you going to do when Sarah gets out of the hospital? 

I hope you’re okay,  
Sean.

~°~

Dear Sean,

I’m sorry I could not write back to you sooner. Sarah got out yesterday. She is alright. I will never thank you enough. She misses her friend Daniel, the Reverend and our parents. She misses her home. I miss it, too. She does not understand why we had to leave Haven Point, or why we are certainly not coming back soon. 

It gets lonely on the road. I don’t know what to do. It was easier when I was on my own, because I did not need to worry about my sister. Now, I am very afraid about dragging her into the wild world. She is too young for all this. I’m sorry, Sean. Please, I don’t mean to offend you, but you understand that, knowing everything that happened to you and Daniel, I can only fear for her well-being. I am not as strong, or as brave as you are. 

I pray the Lord that He shows me the way. 

<del>I th </del>  
I think about you,  
Jake.

~°~

Hey Jake,

It’s okay to be scared, or to feel lost. As long as you stick together, I promise everything will be alright. You’re a good person, and I’m sure you will meet good people eventually. Just… try to stay safe. 

If you ever need help, tell me and I’ll be there. 

Maybe we could try to meet again. We’re still in Arizona. Daniel needs more time to say goodbye to Karen. I can’t bring myself to press him too much. But we’ll need to get moving soon. It’s been two months already. We can’t stay here forever. 

I think about you, too.  
Sean.

~°~

He is smoking on the bench just outside Karen’s little hideout, in the middle of nowhere. The silence is so thick it feels like an actual duvet. His sketchbook lays by his side, open but the pages are untouched. For now. His fingers have been holding more cigarettes and less pencils, these past few days. There might be a reason for that, but he doesn’t like thinking about it too much. Karen and Daniel are out for groceries. Sean did not want to join them.

_It’s always like this. Everywhere we go. Daniel’s always trying to recreate a family. First Beaver Creek, then this fucking crazy-ass church, now this… Why does it seem so easy for him? And why does he keep doing it?_

Smoke curls rise and wither while his cigarette slowly consumes itself, loosely hanging between his fingers. It’s so quiet out here. And so damn hot. Time has never seemed slower. 

_I miss the forest. Man… this place feels so lonely and… dead. Dust and rock. Nothing else._

Somewhere in the distance, he hears the rumble of an engine. He quickly stubs out his cigarette, though he knows Karen doesn’t care about this bad habit. And even if she did, it’s not like he would give a shit about her opinions. The car pulls over, not too close to the tiny house. This is not Karen. Sean gets to his feet, his heart beating faster as apprehension surged through his whole body. There is no way anyone could have tracked them down here. Karen sure was good at not being found. 

_Runs deep in the family, I suppose._

Through the dust, Sean makes out two silhouettes, and it’s not too long before he recognizes them. A thin smile then lifts the corner of his mouth. He takes a few steps in their direction, waving casually. 

“Woah, I can’t believe you actually made it.” 

“Sean.” is all Jacob has the time to say before he is cut off by Sean’s friendly, warm embrace. 

The feeling of beard on his naked shoulders is itchy, but strangely comforting. 

“It’s good to see you.” Sean states in a quiet voice, backing up so Jacob doesn’t suffocate. Sarah is hiding behind her big brother’s legs, holding on tight to the rough fabric of his trousers, slightly frowning. Despite the dark rings under her eyes, she looks better. 

Sean kneels to greet her. He restrains himself from tousling her hair, because she doesn’t know him that well and he doesn’t want to scare her. Instead, he just smiles fondly. “So glad you got better, Sarah.” 

“Thank you, Sean. Where is Daniel? I can’t wait to see him!” 

“Karen and him are out for groceries. They’ll be back anytime now.” 

Jacob puts a gentle hand on his sister’s head and gestures towards the door. “Can we get in? We could both use fresh water. I mean, if that’s okay.” 

“Yeah, sure. Of course.”

~°~

Dear Sean,

It was really nice seeing you in person again. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Daniel look so happy before. Maybe… You should try considering staying with your mother. You know he _needs_ a home. A real home. 

I think I understand what going to Mexico means to you. But, please, don't go. 

Take care,  
Jake.

~°~

Dear Sean,

I’m sorry if my previous letter vexed you. I guess it was kind of selfish of me to say such things. But your friendship is a real gift for me, and I can’t bear the thought of anymore harm coming your way. You’ve already been through so much shit. You deserve to find peace. 

This could be your home, if only you would accept to see it. 

I wish you well,  
Jake.

~°~

He crumples the letter and tosses it away with a muffled, annoyed grunt. Quickly, in a perfectly mastered gesture, he puts a cigarette between his lips and lights it. Behind him, he hears the subtle rustling of clothes.

“One day or another, you will need to learn that even your most beloved ones are entitled to their own visions and beliefs.” 

“Yeah? Like you, leaving because you were entitled to your own fucking selfishness?” 

A silence. Karen is so used to this constant, harsh banter that she doesn’t even let out a sigh. 

“If you trust this guy, maybe you should try and actually listen to what he wants to say. Like you should have been doing with your brother.” 

“Fuck’s sake. Don’t _patronize_ me.” 

“I don’t, Sean. If there’s one thing I can teach you though, it’s how not to become like me.” 

And with that, she’s gone. Sean smokes alone, looking at the silent stars above his head, as angry as before. As angry as ever. Nicotine fails to calm him down.

~°~

Dear Sean,

I miss you. I’m sorry about everything I said. Please, write to me soon.  
I’m starting to worry something might have happened to you. 

Keep me posted,  
Jake.

~°~

The next time Jacob and Sarah come by, Sean has not invited them. He bets on Karen. Surely Daniel asked her to do so because he wanted to see Sarah.

It's almost midnight. The kids have been sent to bed, and Karen is prompt to follow. Jacob and Sean remain on the bench, in silence. Bugs are buzzing around the lamp, relentlessly burning their wings. 

_Nature’s metaphors aren’t always that subtle._

“Sean.” Jacob’s voice is close to a whisper. It has always been so soft, like he was afraid to break something invisible. “Have you thought about...?”

“Yeah… A little. But I… It doesn’t feel right to be here. I mean, this is… this isn’t my place. It never will. No matter how hard _she_ tries.” 

“Are you sure Puerto Lobos would feel right?” Sean takes a deep breath, but Jacob cuts him off, still so unbearably gentle. “I know. I know your father wanted to take you there. I know it’s all you can think about since… since he left. But you’re not going to find him there.” 

“Yeah, I know. But where else do you want me to go, Jake? I won’t stay here. I won’t go back to Beaver Creek. There are four fucking states on the hunt for me and for Daniel. Wherever I go… It seems I’m leaving a trail of disasters behind. They won’t stop.” 

“If you would stop running, then, maybe…” 

Sean lets out a long sigh, tinged with annoyance and hopelessness, like he has had this conversation a hundred times before. Timidly, Jacob puts one hand on his knee, puts just a little bit of pressure; enough to make Sean shiver, crave for more and desperately want to run away. 

“I only want to help you. It’s the least I can do after all that you’ve done for me. You could… Maybe. Maybe, you could… I don’t know. I was thinking… that you could stay with me? And Sarah.” 

“No, Jake. No. I don’t want to be anybody’s burden.” Sean mumbles, crossing his arms and looking away from Jacob’s too nice stare. 

“You won’t. I promise. Sean, I… I really like having you around.” 

Sean feels his cheeks heat up and he is grateful the night helps hiding his distress. His not so sympathetic mind is throwing rushed memories at him. He remembers Finn’s lips on his. He remembers the feeling of Jacob’s beard brushing over his skin, a month earlier. He doesn’t know if he should feel guilty, or ashamed. But right now, all he can think about is how much he’s dying for someone to merely hold him. Anyone. 

_C’mon Sean, don’t. Fuck. This. Up._

He swallows the lump in his throat and faces Jacob again, seemingly emotionless. He ultimately cracks a smile and draws a cigarette from his pack. He always does when he is nervous. 

“It suits you better like this.” He states, cigarette hanging from his lips, gesturing over his own face to convey the idea of facial hair. 

“Oh.” Jacob looks surprised. His eyes widen, but he manages to smile. It’s a mischievous smile, Sean can’t help but notice. It completely changes his serious, kind features. “Thank you, Sean.” 

His hand hasn’t moved all this time. Sean feels its warmth spreading through the fabric of his khakis. Slowly, he finds himself leaning more and more towards Jacob, until their shoulders lightly brush. Jacob doesn’t make a move to put some distance back between us, but he seems to have forgotten how to breathe. 

_This is crazy. I’m downright crazy. What the hell am I even doing?_

“I like having you around too.” Sean almost purrs and he hates himself for it. His voice is hoarse with smoke, lust and fear. Only silence welcomes his poorly concealed confession. 

When Sean is done with his cigarette, he pretends to be tired and leaves Jacob to his nocturnal contemplation.

~°~

Jacob and Sarah are staying at Karen’s for the week-end. She is not too keen on having so many people around because she clearly loves her solitude, but Daniel is ecstatic, and she can’t refuse him anything. Eventually, Karen ends up growing fond of the two fugitives. She has deep, solemn conversations with Jacob. She has bought Sarah fancy coloured pencils. Jacob and Sarah have very good – and unsuspected – culinary skills. It is nice, because Karen is _not_ your average housewife and, yes, you _could_ become tired of eating burgers or whatever gross takeout there is in the middle of nowhere.

Sean never talks about the other night. It wouldn’t feel right. Jacob is still so sweet, so soft and concerned, quiet and discreet yet so warm, and possibly all the other synonyms. Sean needs this. Jacob doesn’t force him to talk, he is able to understand without words. He has a kind of intelligence Sean can’t really describe. They must sleep in the same room, because Karen doesn’t own a palace, but it’s alright. They have been through much worse during their time in the forest. Sean can handle his teenage hormonal rollercoaster – not like he has a choice, anyway.

~°~

“How is it going then? With Sarah and all.”

It is quite late, and they are both are sitting outside, under the faint halo of the old lamps, in a somewhat familiar way. 

“Well, I - I’ve found a little town, north of here, and a seasonal job. I don’t know what we’ll do when summer ends, though. We’re staying at the farm for now. The owners are nice. Sarah loves it. She has a thing for chickens, I don’t know why.” 

He lets out a soft, shy giggle that sends shivers down Sean’s spine. He has never heard Jacob laugh. All he seems to do are these little, fragile sounds. 

“Sean.” Jacob says, and his voice, though still sweet, has some dark undertones. “I’m sorry to bring this up again, but do you plan to let Daniel stay here with your mother? If you actually leave for Mexico, I mean.” 

“Yeah, I don’t know, Jake. To be honest, I just don’t know what to do anymore. After all we’ve done – after all I’ve been through for him. I don’t know if I’d be capable of just leaving him. He’s all I have left, and dad… He always… Fuck.” 

His voice cracks, and his words are drowned in tears he can’t hold back. And then, Jacob’s hands are on him, pulling him close, and it’s the first time he gets so physical. Sean isn’t sure what makes him break down. His fingers are desperately grasping at the fabric of Jacob’s plaid shirt while he nestles his head under his chin. He lets it all out, and Jacob gently strokes his back, the nape of his neck, whispering futile but much needed words of comfort. 

“Shh, Sean. Hey. It’s okay, alright? I understand. I’m sorry, Sean.” 

Sean is so tired of all this, so tired of always running, of always rebelling. He needs something to hold him into place, even though he knows some part of him will retaliate, if only for the sake of it. And Jacob does just that. He doesn’t care about Sean going back and forth, asking for help then rejecting the mere idea of it. He is not the strongest person Sean has met but, despite his frail looks and his bashful nature, Jacob gives off these deep, powerful and dark vibes he finds so fascinating, so attractive. Behind the well-polished façade, there is a persistent, intoxicating smell of self-destruction and danger and pain, mixed together with relentless hope and infinite dreams. 

After a particularly loud sniff and a shaking sigh, Sean manages to stop crying. He doesn’t manage to let go off Jacob, though. “Ah, I’m… I’m sorry. Thank you, Jake.” he breathes against Jacob’s skin, fingers finding their way through his hair. 

“It’s okay, Sean. Anything, anytime.” 

_Anything?_ Sean backs away a little, just so he could look Jacob in the eye. Neither of them breaks the contact. Sean’s throat feels very dry, and he foolishly licks his lips, before leaning towards Jacob again. His heart is beating faster. Jacob catches his mouth midway, easy and sweet. Sean closes his eye, still wet with tears, and his hands clench Jacob’s hair harder. 

“Anything, Sean.” Jacob says against his lips, pressing their foreheads together with all the gentleness of the world. Sean kisses him again, more desperate this time. He is afraid Jacob might regret, might realize this is probably not the best thing to do. Might get scared, too. So, he holds him tighter, tries to make it clear that he will not let him run away from this. But his greedy, needy self is too much to endure and soon, it gets the better of him. He is slow to realize Jacob is trying to stop him. 

“Sean… Calm down. Please.” he stutters, short of breath, and Sean frowns, frustrated but afraid he has gone too far. He lowers his arms, then his head. “Hey. I’m sorry, but I… It’s just, I – it’s still complicated, you know?” 

“No, no. It’s me, I shouldn’t have…” 

“Listen. I want this, Sean. I – I want... I mean, I just need time to… get used to it.” Jacob’s voice is quivering. His face is flushed, and he is averting Sean’s gaze, his eyelashes wildly fluttering like a panicked butterfly’s wings. Sean grabs his hand, ignoring how sweaty his own must feel.


	2. August

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my, thank you very much for all the comments and all the kudos! I'm glad to see that people are enjoying this ship, because, man, do i love them. 
> 
> This was supposed to be the second and last chapter, but i think there will be one more. For closure. Or something.
> 
> Also, it took me a while to update because now that i know people are actually reading this, i'm starting to feel insecure about my english ahah. I tried my best to make it all nice and pleasant to read.
> 
> Okay, I'm out. Enjoy!

Jake,

I can’t stand being here anymore. I’m leaving tomorrow. Daniel will stay with Karen. We’ve had the same discussion way too many times. I won’t be able to change his mind, I’ve just been postponing. Maybe it’s best for everyone. 

I’ll try to swing by your place but I can’t be sure and can’t tell you when. If I don’t see you again, know that I owe you a lot. I wish we had more time. I’m gonna miss you. 

Sean.

~°~

He finds him on the road, obviously. If he were more mystical, Sean would have called it fate, just like Jacob does when he pulls over and literally drags him into his car by the straps of his backpack. He doesn’t give him the time to protest. Jacob looks even more intense than usual, with his eyes wide open and his dishevelled hair. Sean says nothing, too tired by his long walk in the late summer’s heat. Jacob accepts his silence, though Sean can sense that he’s bubbling with excitement and trying really hard not to assail him with questions.

They quietly drive to the farm where Jacob still has a month or so of work left. It is a beautiful place, frankly, huddled up in vast vineyards. The owners give them a funny look, but it’s alright. Jacob puts a hand on his shoulder and leads him to the backyard, away from curiosity. He hands Sean a bottle of fresh water that he eagerly drinks, like he’s been thirsty for ages, then spills the rest over his burning head with a sigh of relief. Jacobs sits down next to him and lets out a quiet giggle, raising his arms for protection when Sean decides to shake his head, sending droplets all around. 

“Feeling better?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

“So…” Jacob begins, shifting glances between Sean and the fields, casually stroking his forearm. Sean can’t tell if he’s being so uneasy by nature, or if there’s something on his mind. “You’re really leaving, then.”

Sean takes a moment to observe Jacob’s pointy profile, then looks away. Something in his chest is hurting. 

“I guess.” he says after a while, voice still croaky from all the dust he’s been breathing for hours. 

An awkward, yet somehow comfortable silence settles between the two. Behind them, the sun is setting, and shadows stretch out until their little, crooked silhouettes are swallowed. Sean has been through this too often, and he can’t think of anything new to break the silence. Instead, he just nervously plucks at the strands of grass at his feet.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin the mood.” Jacob eventually mutters, and his shaky breath can’t be a good sign. “I knew you wanted to go to Mexico, but I never actually _thought_ about you leaving. Or how it would feel.”

Sean opens his mouth, but nothing comes out of it. Slowly, he turns his head so he can face Jacob again. He looks so vulnerable, so withdrawn, knees pressed onto his chest. It’s a painful sight, and Sean can’t help but feel guilty, even though they have not known each other for a long time and it shouldn’t be so hard to say goodbye. 

“Fuck, Jake, I’m… I’m sorry. I wish things were different – trust me, I really do. But I don’t think I have a choice, you know?”

“Yes, Sean. I know. Let’s just... talk about something else? Anything else.”

~°~

Jacob manages to smuggle him for the night into the tiny outhouse where he and Sarah Lee are staying. Sean wonders how he actually went about it, but Jacob doesn’t tell, so he doesn’t ask. The owners are not nosy; surely enough, they’re not the type that would drive half a mile just to see what their current tenants are up to. Their reunion is short and quiet; Sean badly needs to rest.

The next day, Jacob has to work in the fields while his little sister is keeping the old lady company, at the farm. Sean is advised to stay out of sight, but, by noon, he's already sneaking around Jacob’s rusty car until the man finally appears for his lunch break. Sean thinks that they would sit in silence, and, maybe, that he would get the chance to draw while Jacob is eating; but Jacob takes him for an hour ride, to the edges of Prescott National forest. And it’s still not Sean’s favourite kind of sceneries, but it does just fine. 

Away from everything, it’s easier to talk. Right here and now, it’s only mountains, red rocks, silence and the two of them. Sean is leaning against the car, sketchbook in one hand, cigarette in the other, taking in the sights. Jacob is sitting on a large boulder, with his back turned, legs swinging in the open air beneath him. 

_Man... It's so peaceful, here. Kinda reminds me of this time with Daniel, around Mount Rainier. Feels so long ago..._

“Sean?” Jacob’s hazy voice breaks the silence, and Sean lightly hums to show that he’s listening. “There’s something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about.”

Sean stubs out his cigarette and carefully drops the butt in his pocket. He is unable to move, has a subtle yet persistent feeling that it might be easier for Jacob if he doesn’t try to join him. He stays still, his only eye fixed on Jacob’s back, studying his hunched shoulders, or the way his hair forms tiny, angelic curls over his neck. 

“It feels... so natural, to be with you. I only want you to be safe and happy. From the bottom of my heart. And, this feeling is – it's so _pure_, it’s almost as if there was nothing wrong about it. As if it could never be wrong.”

“It’s not wrong, Jake. If it makes you happy, then it’s not wrong.”

“Sure. There’s a part of me that understands, that’s convinced everything’s okay. But there’s also that _other_ part. And I can’t help but wonder... Why is it so complicated?”

Sean lets out a painful sigh. He looks at Jacob, and he sees a child. To be honest, he doesn’t really know what to think of himself to begin with, but he also thinks he doesn’t have enough time to be bothered. Of course, in high school, he was more interested in girls – because it was the obvious choice, back then. Back then, when he had a home, a family, friends. Maybe he would have asked himself this question later – after his first girlfriend, or even later. Or maybe he wouldn’t have. 

But life on the road is different. It has made him different. Constant fear of finally being caught and sent to jail – or worse – makes him want to throw himself into any kind of human relationship before it is too late. He does not have time to _think_. Things just look much easier this way. 

“I don’t know, man. Wish I could tell you. But I... I feel the same.” Slowly, Sean walks towards Jacob and sits down next to him on the boulder, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. “It’s a beautiful place. I’m glad we came here.”

“Yeah. Sometimes, I come here and I just... I don’t know – breathe. I feel like this could be Heaven, right here on Earth.”

Sean isn’t sure about Heaven. He's never been sure about anything related to God, really. But this place doesn’t look too bad, if you were into dry trees and red stones and hot weather, so he quickly nods before resting his head against Jacob’s, closing his eye and taking deep breaths to let go of all the pressure. He feels the warmth of a hand on his thigh, hesitant and fond, then he whispers, a faint, painful smile stuck on his lips: 

“I don’t want to leave you, you know?”

“It would be selfish of me to ask that you stay. But I really don’t want you to leave me either.”

~°~

Jacobs tucks Sarah Lee in bed and kisses her forehead before turning to Sean, who is anxiously waiting at the door, shifting weight from one leg to another.

“Wait! Where are you going?” the little girl says in a tiny, pleading voice, holding Jacob back by the hem of his shirt. She doesn’t seem to agree with the idea of sleeping alone. 

“Erm... Just... Outside. To do... some grown-up stuff.”

“Gross.” Sarah scoffs, wrinkling her nose in the most adorable way, and Sean can’t help but laugh up his sleeve when he sees the flustered, offended look on Jacob’s face. 

“No, Sarah, ugh! How old are you anyway? You should not be saying stuff like that.”

“If you’re leaving me all alone, then I want a story.” Sarah is now sitting up, arms crossed over her chest, determined to get what she’s asking for. “And I want Sean to tell me a story. Daniel is always talking about how good a story-teller he is.”

Sean feels his chest tighten up as contradictory emotions sweep through him. He opens his mouth, only to let out a strangled groan, but comes up to the bed anyway. In the room’s half-light, he senses Jacob’s soft, too aware stare on him. Then, he kneels beside Sarah and manages to crack a smile. 

“That’s… really nice of him. Okay, I guess I can give it a try.” Sarah’s face lights up, and Sean takes a deep breath, carelessly humming as he searches through his head for a good start. 

“Once upon a time, in a wild, wild world, there were a little ermine girl and her big brother ferret… They lived happily together with their mom and dad, in a tiny village where they had lots of friends…”

~°~

Outside, the moon is almost full, and it pretty much feels like being in plain day. As a downside, there are not many stars, but the air is warm and Sean finds himself appreciating the way Jacob’s face is shaped by the moonlight. With Sarah Lee asleep, the two boys have been able to slip out into the fields, their silhouettes melting into the crooked, sinuous shadows of the vines. They both lie on the dusty ground, looking up at the sky. It’s quiet and comfortable. Sean has forgotten that he needs to leave tomorrow. All he can think about right now is how good it would be to smoke a joint, and how much he wants to hug Jacob and never let go.

“It was a really nice story. You’re… quite talented.” comes Jacob’s voice from somewhere near his head, dreamy and gentle. “Thank you. I mean, Sarah loved it. I’m sure.”

“Yeah. Thanks, Jake. When Karen left us, my dad and Daniel, I… Well, I guess Dad could not do everything on his own, so… I’ve learned a few things.”

He feels Jacob’s hand crawling over his chest, and he catches it, holding tightly. “I knew you were a soft guy. Beneath all that… hurt, and hardships, and _badassery_ you’ve always got on display.”

Sean chuckles lightly and he lets their fingers intertwine, pressing them over his heart, so naturally. For a couple of minutes, they only watch the sky above them. The night breeze grazes Sean’s cheeks. He inhales, then exhales, slowly, focusing on the slow-paced motion of their hands, rising and falling in rhythm with every breath he takes. He wishes for this moment to last forever. But, as usual within the reassuring, lonely frame that night offers to all the lost souls, Sean eventually feels the need to confide – even though he is very bad at it. He is not sure that he’ll get any other chance. 

“I’m really happy that I got to know you better, Jake. That I made you feel like you could trust me. You’re the most… beautiful, sincere and generous person I’ve ever met.”

Jacob’s silence feels dense, filled with the uncertainty that’s seeping through every pore of his skin. That doesn’t stop Sean, though. Slowly, he moves their holding hands up to his mouth, and he lets his lips gently brush Jacob’s knuckles. He hears the rustling of clothes, next to his ear, and then there’s Jacob’s breath over his neck, the tickling of his hair against his skin as he gets closer and closer. His respiration seems laboured, and for a minute, Sean wonders if he’s crying. But he’s not; he’s been taught not to. 

“Thank you, Sean. It – it means a lot.” Jacob eventually blurts out, gripping his hand a little bit tighter, and the way his lips move against Sean’s neck, although innocent, threatens to make him lose his mind. Sean turns his head and is met by Jacob’s eyes, wide open. He is watching him with this unwavering, gleaming and coy gaze. Sean is foolish enough to think he can see past these eyes, past the fear and the pain they convey. 

For this reason, he grabs Jacob’s collar with his free hand and catches his mouth without much hesitation. It’s soft, at first, but very soon, the urgency of everything takes over them and their restraint. Hasty fingers get tangled in hair, pulling mercilessly; hands are squeezing anything within reach, exploring, bringing each other’s body closer. Sean’s chest is about to explode, and he feels Jacob’s heart beat furiously through fabric and skin. The sensation of beard on his cheeks is still itchy, and it leaves him with an unpleasant rash, but Sean doesn’t care. Careful not to break their kiss, he puts both hands on Jacob’s torso and pins him down before straddling his hips. 

“Sean.” Jacob gasps, helplessly, but in his eyes, an obscure craving has erased all trace of fear. There, Sean is feeling it again, biting at the back of his mind – that looming, treacherous darkness that seems to emanate from Jacob’s apparent abandon. 

“I love you.” is the only thing Sean has to offer to chase away the darkness, voice filled with all the innocence and impulse that come with his youth, and Jacob raises his eyebrows in disbelief, lips shaking. “I love you.” Sean repeats, this time not louder than a whisper, planting a kiss on the tip of Jacob’s nose. Strong arms then circle him, bringing him down against Jacob’s chest. His words are not reciprocated, but he doesn’t mind. He knows it might be too much to ask. 

In silence, Jacob gently strokes his back, while Sean’s head rests against his pounding heart.


End file.
